If kindness makes a bitter person angrier, should I still be kind — and what does heaping coals on their head mean?

Some people never had to practice kindness to keep their place. Force and position were enough. They call dominance boundaries. They may even call themselves kind. Kindness is not a show and it is not weakness. Jesus tied it to the greatest command: love God, and love your neighbor as yourself. When you give the gift, joy comes with it.

You cannot demand that a hard person become kind. You also do not have to keep handing them trust, access, and explanations they will twist. Be kind. Do not chase their approval. Do not argue with their story about you.

If your enemy is hungry, feed him. In doing this you heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you. Paul adds: do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. The heat is conscience, not your revenge. If they repent, good. If they stay bitter, you still did not become them. Your joy comes from the Father, not from their change.

Do not throw your pearls before pigs. Kindness is the gift. Pearls are intimacy and explanation. Love your neighbor. Guard what is holy. Let them see your joy with other people. That is not selfish. That is refusing to let bitterness set the weather.